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Better: Through a series of student interviews, I found that Kennedy High School's antibullying program was ineffective.In order to address issues of conflict between students, I argue that Kennedy High School should embrace policies outlined by the California Department of Education (2010).
This claim is the type of claim that might be appropriate for the conclusion of a paper, but in the beginning of the paper, the student is left with nowhere to go. If there are "always alternatives" to the problem the student is identifying, then why bother developing a paper around that claim?
Ideally, a thesis statement should be complex enough to explore over the length of the entire paper.
is the brief articulation of your paper's central argument and purpose.
You might hear it referred to as simply a "thesis." Every scholarly paper should have a thesis statement, and strong thesis statements are concise, specific, and arguable.
The student's paper can now proceed, providing specific pieces of evidence to support the arguable central claim.
There are many words in this sentence that may be buzzwords in the student's field or key terms taken from other texts, but together they do not communicate a clear, specific meaning.
Sometimes students think scholarly writing means constructing complex sentences using special language, but actually it's usually a stronger choice to write clear, simple sentences.
When in doubt, remember that your ideas should be complex, not your sentence structure.
In the first example, there are almost no additional questions implied, but the revised example allows for a good deal more exploration.
If you are having trouble getting started, try using the models below to generate a rough model of a thesis statement!